I’m back…..

First of all I need to give a big thank you to all my blog friends (some of whom are “friends in real life”) for your support, encouragement and prayers.

So here is the scoop: I am human and I have struggles. period.

Okay, so really (it is very difficult for me to be vulnerable), my world was crumbling around me and I was using blogging as a means of escape instead of dealing with the issues.

As a lot of you know, my husband went back to school a little over two years ago to finish his degree. While going to school full time he was also working full time and so during that time, I went into “survival” mode. Basically it was the boys and I together all the time with a little bit of daddy thrown in when he was available. It was hard, but I knew that it was only a temporary situation and I can do anything for a short period of time. So the boys and I survived, actually, we more than survived, we thrived. Well, Dave graduated from college (with a business degree and a marketing minor!) back in mid December and was available to us again as a husband and dad on a full scale level. Just one problem…………I didn’t let him back in. Now see, he was never really “gone” from our house, he was just unavailable except when he was a little available during school breaks. Does that make sense? So the boys and I went on with our life, we got in a groove, mad our own routines and took care of each other. When graduation day came and Dave was able to “rejoin” our daily life, I was mad and resentful. Who did he think he was that he could just jump right back in, shake up our routine that I had worked so hard at, and be part of our life again. I have struggled with abandonement issues since I was a teenager, and this brought those feelings back to the surface. This transition brought alot of fights and turmoil to our house that, along with the stress of Dave looking for a new job to go along with his new degree, turned our home into a pressure cooker. Instead of dealing with these issues, I shut down. I would plop myself in front of the computer for hours some evenings and completely ignore my other responsibilities…namely my husband and children. Not to mention my relationship with the Lord was also lacking big time.

Which brings me back to those abandonment issues. Even though I have known Jesus since I was a young child, I struggle with accepting the fact that my Heavenly Father will NEVER abandon me. Not only will he never abandon me, but he desires that I seek him for help and strength in the day to day things and somewhere along the way I forgot to do that. Thus the feelings of emptiness and exhaustion.

There have been some recent events that have brought about rest and restoration for me and my marriage. Dave and I have been meeting with our pastor and his wife (who have been dear friends since before we were married) for counseling. Another event that has brought some restoration to me was just a couple of weeks ago when Karla Dornacher (who is a WONDERFUL women’s speaker, an author, an illustrator and an amazing lady of God) gave the Sunday message at church. Her message was title “Free to run…….free to win” (listen here) and was about how we are to run the race that is set before us, but we don’t have to run it alone. God wants to run with us. This was one of the timeliest messages that I have been witness too, and quite honestly by the end of the service I felt like it was just me and Karla having coffee together. God was speaking directly to me through Karla (forget the other 300 people in the room that day). He was telling me that even though I run a good race, I have been doing it all on my own. I forgot to take him with me. Oh, I let him pay my entrance fee into the race along time ago, but then I left him somwhere along the path. Let’s just say that by the end of that message I was broken. I knew then that healing would only come by opening up my heart and allowing God back in to “run the race” with me.

Matthew 11:28 says “Come to me, all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

Those words are from Jesus himself. He told me to let him carry my burdens and I didn’t.
But now I will!!

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15 Comments

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15 responses to “I’m back…..

  1. The Aldridge's

    WELCOME BACK TRISH!! I am glad to hear that things are going well for you and the family now. We have been praying for you since you “left”.God is so good to not leave us in the situations that we put ourselves in.On a totally different topic, when are you and the fam coming to visit?:-)Pat

  2. annette

    good word Trish… seems to be a time the Lord is letting us all walk through trials forcing us to rely on Him and His strength… He’s pretty jealous for us, huh?! again, good word… now, please post our movie night pic! : )love you!

  3. Gina

    Welcome Back. Good to have you “home” again.Besides, I was having trouble justifying my blog obsession with you gone;).

  4. Debbie

    Ok. I saw the comment you left on my blog indicating that you were back. So, I had to wait to have a quiet moment without two kids pulling at me to sit down and savor your first post in a month. First, I am so glad you are back. I have missed reading about you. Second, I applaud you for your openess and willingness to share your struggles. As I told Gina, when she opened up about her struggles, it is a blessing to those who might come across your story and realize they aren’t alone. The message is one that anyone at any stage of life or situation should heed. We need to let Him in. He wants to be in. We NEED to let Him in. I am so glad that you are working through these issues with your husband in such a Godly edifying way. Honoring HIM, your marriage and your family. You are a wonderful witness to grace and a righteous walk with the Lord. Christians have the same struggles as those who are lost. It’s just that we have the secret weapon in Jesus Christ. He is our armor, our shield, our life, our peace, our wisdom. I’m glad to “know” you my sweet sister in Christ.

  5. Meagan

    So glad you’re back! Thanks for being so transparent. I know it’s not easy. Your words are an encouraging and challenging reminder to stop striving to live life in our own strength and in our own way. We will mess it up every time. So thankful for your honesty and your commitment to God and to your marriage. So thankful for YOU!

  6. meleea

    i am so glad you are back. what a great job sharing what god has been doing in your heart – which is what god really is after. so many of us are in the process of letting go. each person’s stuggle is with a different issue but it all comes back to the same core deal – letting go. thanks for sharing! love you!

  7. Emily Loria

    Welcome back Trish! I know all too well about the survival mode. All through Jan. and Feb. I was sunk deep into it’s deep trenches.Welcome back. You are sunshine on my day!

  8. Eryn

    well said my friend. Thanks for sharing what God is revealing to you.

  9. Infarrantly Creative

    Thanks for sharing that. Have you read the book Captivating? We are reading it in my small group. You like quoted the book. Wow! It talks about abandonment being women’s greatest fear in life. You are not alone.

  10. Valerie

    Thanks for sharing Trish. Awesome that Jesus is carrying you.

  11. The Pace Posse

    Yeah Trish! You are back! And better than that – you are doing BETTER!Love you!Heather

  12. Julie

    welcome back, trish! so glad you are back. thank you for sharing so openly and honestly about your journey. It is a a real encouragement to me. julie, your blogging buddy

  13. Karen

    I am glad to see new posts. I was checking regularly, knowing it wouldn’t take long.It is amazing what and when God shows us. I’m sure it was a big shift in your life. I remember going through something similar with my DH. I’ll never forget him telling me to take down my wall and let him in. That is what God is calling to us daily!!You are inspiring.

  14. Lula!

    Yay, you’re back. I love that you shared so openly about your struggles. Truly awesome. And I can say that God used it to convict me, for sure. Thanks.

  15. Jennifer P.

    Tricia,It’s been nice catching up on what you’ve been up to. I am glad I got a chance to read this post and comment on it after everyone else had. It sounds like we share a lot of the same abandonment issues. My father was killed when I was only 4, and I keep thinking that must be where they came from. I just wish that the one person we can always trust to never leave us isn’t a person we can see.I’m so glad you can see the path to restoration ahead of you. I promise you that if there is even a spark of love left in your marriage–FIGHT FOR IT!!! I tried with all my might to convince my husband of this. And I leave you with my wisdom, that there is nothing worse in this world, excpet perhaps the death of a child, worse than a divorce. So hug your man and hold his hand and walk toward the Lord together. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story.Love to you.

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